Another December 8th
Siti, You are still so loved.
I went on a walk Sunday morning, feeling not very rested nor very joyful on the first day of Advent.
As I came back from my walk, I smelt an incredibly nostalgic scent.
The scent of my Siti and Gidos house. Specifically, the scent of walking through their front door.
Immediately, I was transported to being a kid. Hearing the front door musically crack open, hitting a specific “whack” in between opening and closing. The scent of old furniture, greenery, and something delicious in the kitchen.
My eyes started to fill with tears. A hint of grief that came on as quickly as the scent went away.
A second scent experience happened Wednesday.
I was sitting in my car after work and was immediately met with the smell of my Siti’s car! Worn out fabric seats and cigarettes. I have never smoked before, nor has anyone smoked in my car. It could’ve easily been someone else’s smoke in the parking garage I was in, but the smell was so distinct and so…inside?!
My eyes, again, well up for a second time.
Even as I write this, I can’t help but grieve a little, and I am so thankful to grieve in such a way.
Reliving and continuously telling the unspoken love I had for my grandmother is something I hope to never stop connecting with.
The deep joy I experienced as a child now met with the deep grief I carry as an adult meeting together like old friends. They sit and talk, reminiscing on sweet moments. They share new stories and life updates, some hard to believe, some beyond excitement.
Anywho, grief is weird but I hope to celebrate her through living my life. Through loving others well, seeking God first, sharing my gifts, sharing meals, baking bread, wearing fun prints, and simply being there.
With Love,
Cara